Nurturing Harmony: A Guide for Mums Dealing with Kids' Big Emotions
- Kerry Hartley
- Feb 3
- 3 min read
Parenting is one of the most rewarding journeys, but it often comes with its fair share of emotional storms—especially when navigating the big emotions of growing children.
These intense feelings, while normal and developmentally significant, can challenge even
the most patient mums.
The good news? By understanding the emotional landscape of your child and learning practical co-regulation strategies, you can create a calmer, more harmonious home.
In this guide, we’ll explore why children experience these emotional highs and lows, share tools to help you support them, and discuss how nurturing your own well-being is key to showing up as the best version of yourself for your kids.
Decode the Emotional Landscape:
Big feelings in children are not a sign of weakness but a vital developmental stage. Around the age of 6-7, their feeling brain is online, loaded with adult-like emotions but lacking the logical thinking brain. Acknowledge this crucial milestone, understanding that your role is not to suppress these emotions but to guide your child through them.
Embrace Co-regulation:
Children can only learn to self-regulate through co-regulation. Recognise that distress doesn't harm them; what hurts is being left alone with those overwhelming emotions. Just as a baby cries to draw you closer, a distressed child is calling for your support. Be present, breathe steadily, and show them that you can weather the storm together.
Bring them back to safety:
Children, in the midst of big emotions, may quickly turn how they feel “I feel bad” into identity statements like "I am bad." Your task is to bring them back to safety, acknowledging their feelings without judgment. Let them know you're there, unwavering, to help them navigate the turbulence.
Top 3 Coping Strategies for Mums
Be the Calm Amidst the Storm:
Big feelings in children are not a sign of weakness but a vital developmental stage.
Around the age of 6-7, their feeling brain is online, loaded with adult-like emotions but lacking the logical thinking brain. Acknowledge this crucial milestone, understanding that your role is not to suppress these emotions but to guide your child through them.
Rhythm and Primal Touch:
Employ rhythmic activities like singing, rocking, or gentle rubbing on the upper half of their spine. These primal touches provide comfort, reinforcing that you're not there to fix the problem but to offer support. Remember, most children don't even start to develop problem-solving skills until around 8 years old.
Boundaries and Warmth:
Establish clear boundaries with warmth. Acknowledge their feelings without judgment, reassuring them that you're not going anywhere. Say things like, "I know you feel angry, I can see you are upset, I'm here for you and I’m not going to let you hurt them."
Preventative Measures:
Once the storm has passed, work on recognising triggers that lead to outbursts. Some common cues include:
Bad experiences at school or feeling excluded.
Overstimulation from the environment.
Lack of downtime or an overly busy day.
Tiredness or hunger.
Proactive Strategies:
Implement these tips to empty their stress tank before it overflows:
Show Caretaker Joy: Demonstrate that you enjoy spending time with them.
Engage in rhythmic activities: Swing, sway, or dance to their favourite tunes.
Get outside and spend time in nature.
Cuddle them for no reason.
Tell your kids you love them often.
Where possible introduce routines so kids know what's expected
Take breathing breaks and encourage mindfulness activities and quiet time
Navigating the emotional landscape with your child requires patience, understanding, and
a commitment to co-regulation. By embracing these coping tips, you can not only
weather the storms but also foster a resilient and emotionally intelligent child.
If you’re interested in diving into these strategies further, I’d encourage you to check out work by Karen Young, child psychologist and founder of Hey Sigmund.
As a mum of two, I’ve learnt some of these lessons the hard way, and like most mums, I’ve done the best I could. I’ve invested the last couple of years in understanding what triggers me and my kids so I can show up as the best version of myself to them. At times, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle and their big emotions would trigger my big emotions. I’m pleased to say that now with greater awareness and understanding of meeting both my needs and theirs, I can handle the big emotions as they arise.
If this is something that resonates with you, then reach out and let’s start a conversation about how I may be able to best support you to nurture more harmony in your home. It is my passion to help other like-minded working mums juggle the real-life struggles of motherhood with greater ease and grace. When we stop to recognise our own needs and take care of them first, we can show up as the best version of ourselves. The ripple effect this has on your children and loved ones is the greatest reward.
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